Kate's Top Eight... Mississippi Words and Phrases

When I moved to the land of Dixie, of course I knew of some Southern words and phrases, but I have certainly expanded my vocabulary during my tenure here.  Pour yourself a glass of sweet tea while I regale you with...

Kate's Top Eight Mississippi Words and Phrases

8. Y'all - the most commonly known (and mocked) of all Southern words, y'all is a very handy little word.  I have engaged in online discussions about the correct spelling of y'all.  I've seen it spelled seen it spelled "yall," no apostrophe, and "ya'll" as well, but I've done a bit of research and the most commonly held belief is that the origin is a contraction of "you all," which would put the apostrophe after the "y," and have it substitute for the "ou" and "a."   Up north, we say "you guys" instead of "y'all."  I like "y'all" better, because it's gender neutral.  I once went to a Christian conference in Amherst, MA that was led by a pastor from Texas.  He explained to us New Englanders that "you" addresses one person, "y'all" addresses a few to several people, and "all y'all" addresses a large group of people.

7. Bless yer heart - While this phrase *can* be used sincerely, and I've heard it used that way, more often than not it means that the person doing the "blessing" thinks that the other person has said something the blesser believes to be really stupid or something that the blesser heartily disagrees with, but is too polite to say so, or both.  "I think the U.S. needs universal, single-payer health care!"  "Oh bless yer heart.  We'll just have to wait and see what happens."Yep.  That conversation has occurred, almost word-for-word.

6. Might could - Do you need help with something?  Someone at church might could help you with that!  I never heard these 2 fairly common words put together until I moved here.

5. Hug your neck - If someone is glad to see you, they don't "give you a hug," they "hug your neck."  I find this one incredibly endearing, but a bit creepy at the same time as I don't really like anyone's hands or arms too close to my neck.

4. Buggy - Southern for grocery cart.  I grew up calling them carriages.  When we lived in Washington State, someone asked me where I was from that I called a cart a carriage.  Here, it's a buggy.

3. Ma'am and Sir - I've never been called "Ma'am" so much in my life.  Children here are well-trained and well-mannered, at least the ones I've met.  Everyone from the littlest child to graduate students calls their elders "Ma'am" and "Sir."  Even once I've said "No, really, you can call me Kate! You're an adult now!"  It's so ingrained in them that it's difficult for them to make the transition.  I have picked up on the habit too - if I'm speaking to someone whose name I don't know and they ask me a question, I say "Yes Ma'am" or "No sir."  I was once asked on a cruise ship if I had a military background, because I called a guy "Sir."  I think he was from New Jersey, so not brought up in the Southern cultured manner.

2. Yankee - As y'all know (see what I did there?), I grew up in Massachusetts.  I am a lifelong, die-hard, multi-generational Red Sox fan. It's in my blood. Our fiercest rivals in baseball are, of course, the New York Yankees. Much to my annoyance, the term "yankee" is slang for anyone from the North, and particularly the Northeast.  Whenever anyone calls me a yankee, I am irresistibly compelled to correct them.  "You can call me a Northerner or a New Englander," I say, "But please don't call me a yankee.  I'm a Red Sox fan."

1. Finna/fixin' to - Our first Christmas here, Rob & I decided that we were going to venture to the capital city of Jackson to do some "real shopping."  We looked online for shopping malls, and found one called the MetroCenter Mall.  We didn't find out until we got there that it's not the best mall to go to - not only was it oddly deserted for being so close to Christmas, but when we got back our pastor's wife said "You went there?!  I'm so thankful y'all made it back alive!"  Apparently it's not in the best neighborhood.

As we were preparing to pull out of our parking space - it was maybe 4 or 5 spaces from the entrance - a lady walked up to us and said "Yawlfinnalee?"  "Excuse me?"  I asked politely.  She repeated, "Yawlfinnalee?"  My husband managed to infer that she was asking if we were leaving.  "Leaving, yes, we are leaving," he told her.  She walked back to her car, TWO spaces further from the entrance, got in, waited for us to pull out, and took our now vacant parking space.  I later learned that "finna" is a contraction of "fixin' to."  The woman in question had contracted "Y'all fixin' to leave?"  into "Yawlfinnalee?"

"Fixin" of course just means preparing.  When I was living the single life, I had a roommate who was from Mississippi.  She once asked me, "I'm fixin' to go to the grocery store, do you need anything?"  I said, "You're what?"  I had never heard the term "fixin' to" before.  That's one phrase I haven't personally adopted.

What odd or interesting regional phrases have you heard around this great nation, or as you've traveled the world? Have you adopted any into your vocabulary?  Tell us in the comments!

Kate's Top Eight... Mississippi Foods

Dear Readers,

It has been quite some time since I have blogged.  Over 3 years, in fact.  Just today, though, I had an idea for a new series - Kate's Top Eight - in which I will periodically list the top 8 things in a specific category.  Living in Mississippi for the last 7(!) years has given me much fodder for the first post in this series, so let's dive right in to the deliciousness!

KATE'S TOP EIGHT MISSISSIPPI FOODS

8. Collard Greens - I don't eat these often, but when I do, it is as part of a lunch plate, to be covered in more detail later in this post.  Collard greens in the South are not bland and flavorless, as they were in my New England youth (not that I ate them all that often in my youth either).  No, collard greens here are cooked to perfection and spiced with just the right touch of various kinds of pepper and vinegar.   There are as many ways to make greens as there are Southern cooks.  My favorite greens come from the gas station near my house. This recipe from Guy Fieri at Food Network looks pretty close.

7. Macaroni and Cheese - as a vegetable. I realize of course that mac & cheese is actually a complete protein composed of pasta and cheesy goodness.  Here, it is listed among the choices of vegetables on a lunch plate at most eateries.  And no, vegetables are not added.  Additionally, Southern "vegetable" mac and cheese tends to be VERY creamy, soft, cheesy, and rich.  It is most often made with mild cheddar, rather than sharp or more exotic cheeses.  I've made Trisha Yearwood's crockpot mac & cheese a couple of times.When you're in the mood for comfort food, it is perfection.

6. Monkey Bread - I had never tried this sweet confection until I moved here.  It makes an appearance at nearly every church potluck and community brunch.  It's sticky caramel pull-apart biscuit dough baked in a bundt pan.  You can make it from scratch, or you can use premade biscuit dough.  I've never made it, but I've tried both, and they are equally yummy.

5. Sweet Tea - This one is tough for me to admit, because I grew up on my gram's homemade mint iced tea.  Heaven in a glass, with just the right amount of sugar - way less than what's used in traditional Southern sweet tea.  The first time I tried Southern tea, it tasted like I was drinking syrup.  I quickly learned to ask for 1/2 unsweet, 1/2 sweet.  Or, go for the Arnold Palmer - 1/2 unsweet tea and 1/2 lemonade.  Over the years, though, I have grown accustomed to having my tea sweeter and sweeter.  Sure, that first cup is half and half, but for my refills, I go straight for the sweet.  I usually have some left so the sugar is somewhat diluted, but I do like it a bit sweeter than I used to.  I still occasionally make Gram's mint tea, but my last mint plant died.  I brought a new plant home from up North this past spring, and our new puppy ate it.  I will have to wait for my next visit to replenish my "brook mint" supply.  In the meantime, southern sweet tea is available in abundance.

4. Plate Lunches - also called "blue plates" or "meat and three."  In many Southern cafes and restaurants, you can order your choice of meat with two or three sides.  These delicious creations often include your sweet tea and a choice of roll or cornbread.  My favorite place for a plate lunch is the Fast Break gas station a couple of miles from my house.  Yes, a gas station.  Usually there is a choice of 2 or 3 meats - these can include baked or fried chicken, catfish, meat loaf, pulled pork, chicken fried steak, and any other number of succulent Southern fare.  Sides can include the aforementioned collard greens and mac & cheese, as well as baked beans, mashed potatoes (with gravy, if you wish), candied yams (YUM!), green beans, mixed vegetables, corn, lima beans, and whatever other offerings are available that day.  I usually get 2 meals out of one plate lunch.  Fried chicken is my favorite.  The cost?  About the same as a fast food meal, but SO much more satisfying!  My New England soul only feels a little guilty that it comes in a non-recyclable styrofoam container.  Don't tell the Town of Amherst!

3.5 - As I was editing this post prior to publishing, I realized that I had not included gas station fried chicken as a line item on this list.  That would be a grave omission.  The fried chicken at the Fast Break is unsurpassed in crispy, juicy, salty, Southern-fried goodness.  Pair it with their candied yams and collard greens and it's my favorite Southern lunch.  No contest.

3. Fried Green Tomatoes - Yes, please Idgie!  I made them once - I think I used this recipe but if not, this one is awfully close.  They are crunchy on the outside, tangy and juicy in the middle and just the perfect compliment to a pulled pork sandwich or a BBQ plate.  I prefer them to fries!

2. Barbecue - Where I grew up, barbecue was a verb.  It meant to cook outside on the grill.  Here, if someone says they're having a barbecue, or they're going for barbecue, it is synonymous with pulled pork.  Often, this is preceded by smoking a butt.  A Boston Butt, that is, also known as a pork shoulder.  In my town alone, I can choose from no less than three barbecue joints for my pulled pork, and it very well could be more.  Mississippi BBQ is smokey, saucy, spicy, and succulent.  Think ribs, without the  bones.  I haven't made my own BBQ because it's a lot less hassle to order from the Little Dooey, (where I can order a side of excellent fried green tomatoes!) often touted by the ESPN guys on College Gameday weekends.

1. Caramel Cake - My favorite!  It's another Southern delicacy that I have not attempted to make.  I

went to a ladies' fellowship where someone performed a demo of how she makes her famous caramel cake.  I even came home with a recipe, but it is so involved and requires a lot of time, equipment, and know-how that even after watching her do it, I'm reluctant to try.  It's not the cake part - it's a simple yellow sponge.  It's the frosting.  Cooked caramel frosting.  If you're a candy-maker, this might not be so intimidating to you but I've never made candy so I find it somewhat daunting.  Luckily, I have my choice of purveyors from whom I can purchase this most perfect of Southern confections.  It's what I request for my birthday every year now.

So there you have it.  Kate's top 8 Mississippi foods.  Did your favorite Southern delicacy make the list?  Tell me in the comments, and feel free to share your favorites!  Even better if you include recipes!

Extreme Mommyhood

Following Time Magazine's article entitled "Are You Mom Enough," there has been a maelstrom of activity in the blogosphere and on social media websites about the article, its title, and mostly its sensationalistic cover, portraying a 3 year old boy standing on a chair while breast feeding. The implication of the title along with the cover photo is that if you're not nursing your toddler, you must not be "mom enough." There is so much wrong with this view that I can't possibly express all of it in one blog post, but here are a few of the main points.

1. Rule #1 of feeding your child is just that - feed your child. Whether you're breastfeeding or bottle feeding, whether your child is eating solids or not, whether he is a snacker or a big-meal eater, feed your child. Yes, do all of the research and make an informed decision. But ultimately what matters most is that your child gets the nutrition that she needs in order to be healthy.

 2. We've all heard that "breast is best" and I believe that with all my heart and soul. But for some women it doesn't work, for a variety of reasons. Some don't have enough supply. Some find it too painful. Some have to take medications that preclude nursing. Some are not educated about the benefits of breastfeeding, so they bottle feed because they don't know any better, or because it's the family expectation. There are as many reasons for this decision as there are children. The choice to breastfeed or bottle feed is an individual choice for each mom and child relationship, and how I choose to feed my child is not open for criticism or judgment by anyone else. See Rule #1.

 3. Breast feeding beyond the first year is not abnormal. Worldwide, the average age of weaning is between 2 years old and 7.5 years old. I think the uber-sexualization of breasts in the U.S. and other first-world countries has had a negative effect on breast feeding. When I posted a link to an interview with the ladies who posed for the Time article on my facebook page, one of the comments in response was: "But when the boys start liking boobies you should stop feeding them with them. When they start riding motorcycles. They need to get off the BOOB." Really? You're worried about a 3 year old being sexually attracted to the "BOOB?" Give me a break. We as a nation need to be more educated about breast feeding so that when moms make that choice, they have all of the relevant information and they're not making the choice based on societal pressure.

Aside from the nursing issue, there is the "Attachment Parenting" issue. What is attachment parenting? Basically, it's paying attention to the needs of your child and meeting them as they arise. This gives them the confidence and assurance that their parents love them as they grow up and gain independence. Attachment parenting is NOT:
 - Giving your child everything she wants when she wants it
- Spoiling your child
- Allowing your child to do whatever he wants
- A lack of discipline or refusal to say "no" to your child
- Nursing your child until she graduates from High School (although Kindergarten is not out of the question!)

Attachment parenting is using your instincts. If your baby is crying after you've put her to bed and your every instinct is telling you to pick her up and hold her and snuggle with her, then by all means do it! Even if you're tired and want her to sleep through the night. Even if the latest parenting book, your well-meaning friends, or your doctor told you to let her "cry it out."

Doing what you KNOW is right for you and your child, in spite of what other sources are telling you, is part of attachment parenting. Most importantly, mothers need the support of other mothers - not criticism, unsolicited advice, conflict over parenting decisions, or competition - SUPPORT. After all, being a mom is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding thing a woman can do. Let's not fight over who's right or wrong about how to do it. What's right for you may not work in my family and vice-versa. That doesn't mean we can't stand up for each other the way that boy on the Time cover literally stood up for his mother's milk.

Peach Ambition

In my last blog entry, I stated that I planned to do some canning this summer. Well, wonder of wonders, I actually did it! I spent the better part of my morning messing up my kitchen canning a slew of peaches! How many are in a slew? I'm not exactly sure. And, why is it called canning when you’re actually using jars, not cans? Shouldn’t it be called jarring?

I started with this many peaches:



Which, I thought, would yield quite a lot of canned peaches. Well, by the time I blanched, shocked, peeled, cut, simmered, and jarred all those peaches, my final yield was:


2 quarts and 3 pints! I thought it would be more, but these will sure taste good in the winter! Besides, it’s only the beginning of peach season, and I have LOTS more jars. I can, if I choose, buy more peaches & can them, too. Can’t wait to taste the fruits of my labor! (pun intended… HA!) What do you plan to can, preserve, sauce, or jam this summer?

Lazy summer days

This summer, I'm not taking any classes. This is strange to me, because I have taken 2 classes every summer since I started graduate school, back in 2007.

This summer, my daughter is in preschool, full-time. She's been in preschool at least part-time for about 3 years, but never during the summer before. I would keep her home with me, but we had to pay for summer at her preschool in order to ensure her spot in the fall. Doesn't make any sense to pay for full-time preschool, then not send her. Besides, she's such a social creature - she has way more fun with her friends at school than she would have at home with me every day.

This summer, I don't have a job. The last summer that I didn't have a job was 2003 - the summer that I met my husband in a Red Sox chat room. I had a summer job lined up, but then it fell through and by that time, it was too late to get another summer job. Thus, I had all the time in the world to hang out in an online chat room and lay the foundation of my relationship with my future husband.

So what are my plans?

First: catch up on sleep. I did not know that I was so tired until I didn't have to get up at a prescribed time for the last 2 days. Yesterday I slept in until 10:00am. TEN A-M!!! That is very, very late for me. This morning, I was up and at 'em by 9:30. If I keep going at this pace, I'll be getting up at 8am by Friday! Then I can drive my husband to work and my daughter to preschool and actually have the car for the day. Oh, didn't I mention...

This summer, we only have one car. We had a second car until very recently, but it died a sudden death about a week before we left for our vacation in May. We will need a second one once fall classes start in mid-August, but until then we are planning to get by with the one.

Second: do some canning! If you have never had a fresh, Chilton County (GA) peach, you are missing out on one of the great joys of summer in the South. They are the sweetest, juiciest peaches I've ever tasted, and this summer I intend to buy a slew of them and can them! Then on those chilly, rainy Mississippi "winter" days, I can taste a bit of summer. (I put "winter" in quotes, because I grew up in Massachusetts. The winters here barely qualify - they're more like very chilly, wet, long, rainy fall).

Third: Bake. At least, I want to bake enough bread so that we don't have to buy it at the store. I tried to make some in the automatic bread maker yesterday and it failed to raise. I should have known better - my Gram taught me how to make bread by hand, and that's how I should do it! I also want to make muffins for breakfast and cookies for snacking on and try my hand at some of the Pioneer Woman's recipes, specifically her knock you naked brownies. I also really want to try making brioche, seeing as how I searched for a brioche pan for over a year and I finally found - and bought - one, but I have yet to use it.

Fourth: This is the one that I'm most hesitant to put into writing because it is the most difficult for me - clean and organize - my kitchen at the very least. HELP!

In addition to the above, I have also planted a patio container garden. I'm starting small - I have mint (transplanted from Gram's brook up North), basil, sage, rosemary, thyme, tomatoes, and crook-neck summer squash. I can't wait for those tomatoes & squash! Hopefully next year I'll add some lettuces and maybe some cucumbers.

What are your summer plans?

My bullying post

Okay... I've seen a few different blogs about bullying in the last week. Like this one at Parenting in Progress, and this one at Single Dad Laughing. Some of this, I'm sure, is in response to the suicide of Tyler Clementi, a young and talented Rutgers student, who jumped off of the George Washington Bridge after his roommate outed him as a homosexual on YouTube.

Earlier this year, Phoebe Prince, a young lady from South Hadley, MA - not too far from where I grew up, committed suicide after being viciously bullied by some of her classmates. With bullying being such a predominant theme in the news and the blogosphere lately, it's my turn. This is tough for me to share - but if I can help anyone out there to avoid the fate of Tyler and Phoebe and so many others, it's worth it.

My bullying story started in Kindergarten. I was walking home from school (back then we walked to Kindergarten. It was only a block away and it was a pretty safe block), when I spotted some pretty red berries on a bush. I picked a few and squashed them between my fingers. Pretty normal behavior for a 5-year-old, wouldn't you say? (Thankfully, I knew better than to eat them.) As I was enjoying the feel of these berries between my fingers, two of my classmates came up behind me and saw me. "Katie, those berries are giving you cooties! You have the cooties!" From that day until the end of my high school career, I was known as "Katie Cootie." I kid you not - when I was a SENIOR, someone called me that. I don't remember who, but I DO remember who the two boys were that gave me that moniker. And no, we are not Facebook friends.

Now, "Katie Cootie" may sound silly to you. But let me reassure you, there was nothing silly about going to school and hearing the kids call me that every. single. day. It was difficult for me to make friends, no one wanted to associate with me for fear of the social repercussions. All through elementary school, I looked forward to Junior High, because that meant a bigger school, with kids who didn't know me, and a chance to make some friends. Oh, how naive I was. Not only was Junior High not any better, it was much, much worse. Instead of having more kids to befriend, there were more kids to pick on me. The popular girls would pretend to be interested in me, and ask me questions, then make fun of me when I answered them. The cute boys would ask me out, then laugh at my dumbfounded expression (I was not so naive as to think they were sincere).

I did manage to make a couple of friends in Junior High, but one of them - my best friend - told me that she could no longer associate with me in public because the other kids were picking on her for hanging out with me during lunch. That was about a month before the end of seventh grade, and it broke my heart. Even now, remembering that pain, tears are welling up.

I was physically bullied as well. One girl used to beat me up on a regular basis, starting around the 4th grade, I think. I remember quitting Girl Scouts so I could have one day a week when she wouldn't pick on me, because she would be in Girl Scouts, and I could walk home safely. One day after school in 5th or 6th grade, she got hold of me and pulled my pants down. I was humiliated beyond words. Ironically, my mother had some "spider sense" or something that day, because as I was getting up, I saw her drive by, looking for me to give me a ride home - but she didn't see me. We were behind some bushes. In 7th grade, the same girl beat me so badly that she almost broke my arm. I had to wear a sling for a week, and my parents finally had had enough. They took her to court, and she was forbidden to touch me again. So at least that one thing was taken care of, but I was still socially and emotionally bullied by many others. I begged, cried, and pleaded with my parents not to go back to school. But there was nothing they could do. They did not have the means to send me to private school, and home schooling hadn't really gained any momentum yet. I didn't even know that was an option, and I don't think they did either.

There were times that I thought about ending it all. Never really seriously, but I would be lying if I said that the thought of suicide never crossed my mind. I know now that it would have ruined my parents, and many others in my family. I am thankful for their love. Certainly my family life was not perfect, but I knew that my parents loved me. And my grandparents. Oh I thank God for my grandmother. Her house was a sanctuary. No fighting, no harsh words, no meanness or cruelty, just an air of love, acceptance, and peace.

Although those two years in Junior High were the worst years of my life, things got slightly better in High School. My fellow students started to grow up a little, and the upperclassmen just didn't have time for that kind of garbage. I joined the soccer team and I got involved with the yearbook committee. I made a few more friends. Slowly, slowly, the misery abated... and I am here to tell you that I came out of it. I survived. By God's grace and the skin of my teeth, but I am here and I am happy... now.

What does this have to do with you?

Well... a lot. Are you in high school or junior high? Say a kind word to the kids who are picked on. One person saying one nice thing to them can be the highlight of their day. That sounds trite, but I am telling you from experience that it is ABSOLUTELY true.

Are you a parent? Tell your kid(s) that you love them, every single day. Don't settle for one-word answers when you ask how their day was. Ask specifically how their friends are, how the other kids treat them, and if anyone said anything mean to them today. Make sure you know what's REALLY going on with your kids.

Are you a community member? Consider getting involved in youth ministry, or an organization such as "Big Brothers, Big Sisters." If you are friends with any teenagers (or parents of teenagers), make a point to get to know them better. Ask their parents if you can take them on a special outing. Sometimes, teens need an adult perspective from someone who is not their parent.

Bullying is an epidemic. It is mean, harsh, unnecessary, and in some cases, deadly. And it is preventable. What will you do to help it come to an end?

Tribute to my grandmother

My grandmother's memorial service was Sunday, September 19th, 2010. This is the remembrance that I shared at that service.

My grandmother was always busy. Whenever I would visit, whether by myself or with other family members, she was always baking, cooking, or sewing something – sometimes all three at once! Walking into her house, I would be struck first by the smell of baking bread. Then, I would hear her voice sing out, “Oh, hi Kate! Come on in, I was just about to take the bread out of the oven. Would you like a cookie?”

By the offer of “a cookie,” I always hoped they were her signature oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, best enjoyed with a cold glass of her mint iced tea in summer, or hot Red Rose tea in winter. Sometimes she made different cookies. Peanut butter, or snicker doodle, or chocolate, and from time to time she would try her hand at perfecting Ruth Loomis’s congo bars. I don’t know if she ever did to her satisfaction or not, but it was fun tasting the experiments.

“Try this, Kate,” she would say.
“It’s really good, Gram!” I would reply.
“But it doesn’t taste like Ruth’s! I’ve tried this recipe a hundred times but I can never get it quite right. I don’t know how she does it.” Then she would sigh, and in that sigh, I could hear her determination to try again.

As good as the congo bars and other cookies were, when she didn’t have the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, it was always a bit of a letdown. When I was going to my first high school party, I asked her for the recipe, and I made her cookies. I’ve made them many times since, and I’m convinced that they helped me to win my husband. The first time he tried one, he said that they were the best cookies he’d ever eaten. Now, he knows how to make them, too. So does my Aunt Shirley, and my brother Dave, and of course Uncle Paul, and I don’t know how many others.

Gram was not a wealthy woman in terms of money, but she was rich in the ways that counted. By sharing her cookies, her bread, her dinner rolls, her sticky buns, her corn chowder, her knitted hats and blanket-stitched flannelette baby blankets, her smiles, her songs – she had a song for every situation, and all it took was one phrase, or even one word that reminded her of a song, and she would burst out singing, - her stories, and her pearls of wisdom, she passed on to us a heritage that wraps us in the warmth of family and memory. She leaves us 4 children, 7 grandchildren, and 8 great-grandchildren to date, plus spouses, and cousins, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews. What better gift could she leave us with than the gift of family, the gift of each other?

She was always happiest when her whole family was together. It got more difficult as years went by, children and grandchildren moved away, and the family grew bigger. But we managed it a few times, and those were the times that Gram had the biggest smile on her face. I’m going to end with a bit of word association… things that I will always think of when I remember Gram.

Game suppers… Grandpa’s pheasant pie… fleece jackets… teddy bears… Raggedy Ann… camping in Vermont… church hymns… old folk songs… fabric shopping*… church fairs… corn chowder… bread… dinner rolls*… sticky buns… mint iced tea… Red Rose hot tea… the Cummington Fair… family reunions on Auntie Mae’s porch… Uncle Red’s pipe tobacco… matriarch… slow driver… blue sweatshirts with red birds on them… little earrings… phone calls about cooking questions*… bathroom sink shaped like a seashell… baby blankets… and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Thanks for everything, Gram.

A must-read from "Single Dad Laughing"

Maybe you've already seen this blog post on Facebook but if you haven't, please take a few moments to read it.

Eureka! So THAT'S the real issue!!!

When we moved to Mississippi, we started attending a reformed Presbyterian church. Previously, I had attended independent churches and Baptist churches, and I had become accustomed to "contemporary worship," where there is a worship leader up front and anywhere from one guitar to a whole band, leading the congregation in singing a variety of songs ranging from traditional hymns to the most current Christian worship songs.

While I agree theologically with the tenants of my current church, and I have made some wonderful friends here, the style of worship is quite different from what I described above. We sing an opening hymn, read a scripture, sing another hymn, have the sermon and pastoral prayer and collection, then sing a closing hymn, followed by the benediction. My husband and I have had an ongoing discussion about this style of worship, and how I feel somewhat constrained by it.

"But it's Biblical!" He says.
"But I miss contemporary worship!" I say.
"Why aren't you content to sing the old hymns? They are theologically rich!"
"I love the hymns, I just want contemporary stuff, too!"

We have had countless discussions in this vein over the past two years. Today, during the sermon, I finally realized what it is. Our Reformed University Fellowship minister was preaching on Philippians chapter 2, about humility. True humility, he said, flows from being able to focus on Christ, and take our focus off of ourselves. That's when it hit me. It was not the style of music that was the issue with our current church. It was the scarcity of it. In all of the other churches where I have been a member, we would sing several songs at the beginning of the service. Song is the way that I am wired to really enter in to worship, to be able to forget myself and focus solely on Christ. In the car on the way home, I told my husband of this realization.

"It's not the style of music. It's that we only sing one hymn at a time, and if I don't know it, I have to focus on the notes and singing the right words, rather than on Jesus. If I'm singing a song that I know, I can just worship. Also singing more than one song gives me more time to enter in with my whole heart."

It just all makes so much sense now. Maybe the solution, for me, is to listen to worship songs at home, and sing my heart out to God. I'm just so thankful that He revealed to me what it is I've been missing. It's Him. It's always Him. Seems so obvious... but in my humanness, I have been blinded to the Truth. Now that I can see again, maybe I will have better focus, and He will enable me to grow in humility.

A self-assigned blog post

As part of my "Integrating Technology for Meaningful Learning" class, I was assigned to work with a partner to design a WebQuest for the rest of the class. As you can all see, I've had this blog for quite a while, although I don't update it often enough.

I also follow some other blogs. One of my favorites is The Pioneer Woman. She has quite an expansive blog, full of delicious recipes, tips for using Photoshop, even the romantic love story of how she met her husband and decided to abandon city life for life on a cattle ranch!

As a Red Sox fan, I can find some good team info on the Boston Globe's Extra Bases blog.

If you are looking for good parenting information, check out the forums at the Kellymom website. (Hint: you don't have to be a mom... dads are welcome too).

Also feel free to read the rest of my blog posts... you can learn a lot about a person from their blog!

~ Kate :)

Excellent blog on "sleep training" your child

If you are a parent of an infant or small child, this blog at Woman Uncensored is a must-read.

Happy New Year!

January 1, 2010

Wishing all of my friends and family a healthy & prosperous New Year! I am so thankful for all of you.

~ Kate :)

Elementary, My Dear Lunchtime...

Today's {W}rite of Passage challenge is to spend 15 minutes writing about our elementary school lunch.

My mom was not an early riser. Some of my friend's moms would get up at 6am to cook breakfast for their kids and box them up a delicious, healthy lunch. Our breakfast consisted of cereal, or toast & peanut butter, that we prepared for ourselves in the morning. Mom was usually up in time to kiss us good-bye, but we're pretty sure that she went back to bed after we left.

My elementary school cafeteria was in the basement. The floor was that very dark gray, institutional concrete, and the walls were orange. Yes, orange. My brothers and I usually bought the school lunch. Sometimes it was good (pizza), and sometimes it was barely edible (mystery meat). The biggest problem for me was fish day. I have a fish and seafood allergy, so when the school was serving fish, I would have to ask the lunch lady to make me a pb&j. It was kind of embarrassing, and she usually laid the peanut butter on so thick that it would take me several seconds after taking a bite to be able to open my mouth.

A classmate of mine who had one of the more industrious moms usually brought a peanut butter sandwich with, not jelly, but a white substance. I didn't know what it was. One day I said to her, "Oh, you have peanut butter and cheese again?" She looked at me incredulously. I can still hear her mocking tone as she replied:

"Peanut butter and CHEESE?! It's not cheese, it's marshmallow fluff!"

I didn't know what marshmallow fluff was at that early point in my life, but I tried it soon afterward. It certainly tasted better than peanut butter and cheese, which I had tried as an after-school snack prior to learning that my classmate's sandwich was otherwise composed.

After lunch, we would have outside time on the playground. Our principal would lead a kickball game every afternoon, and I usually participated in that since the kids were less likely to pick on me under direct adult supervision. When I could get outside quickly enough, though, I would claim the large jump rope. There was only one, and the playground toys were handed out on a first-come, first-served basis, and if I wasn't the first one out, I did not get to participate in jump-rope. If I had it, though, the other girls had to let me play.

When it was raining, recess would be held inside the cafeteria. The tables would be moved to the sides of the room and the teachers and lunch ladies would come up with activities for us. Looking back, I don't know who hated inside recess more, the kids or the adults. The cafeteria was loud enough when the kids were eating. On those rainy days, though, the sound would become an almost unbearable cacophony of kids' voices at varying decibels.

When after-lunch recess was over, whether indoor or outdoor, we would all line up by class and file back in for an afternoon of learning. I was usually relieved to get back to the relative quiet of the classroom, after the social pressures of lunch and playground time.

The Neighbor-Lady

I stumbled across "the {W}rite-of-Passage" blog with today's challenge, thanks to a fellow KellyMom and Facebook friend. The assignment is to observe someone you don't know, then write a short essay about them. Meet "The Neighbor-Lady."

I see her taking her morning walk when I am driving in the car, bringing my daughter to daycare or heading out to the grocery store. She is elderly, perhaps in her late 60's or early 70's, and walks with a cane. She lives in the brown house at the end of the street. She gives out treats at Halloween, and she has a lovely Christmas tree in her window from Thanksgiving until New Year's Day. The elderly gentleman, her husband, mows the lawn in the summer, using a riding mower, and puts out the flag on patriotic holidays, and on 9/11. It's not a huge lawn, but I can imagine how strenuous it would be for an older man to walk behind a mower in the sweltering Mississippi summer.

When she was younger, she used to chase her children around that lawn. The oldest, Mary-Elizabeth, wasn't much of a runner, preferring instead to stick to the swings and the slide in the backyard but the two boys, John Dennis and Bubba Lee, would wear her out in half-an-hour just trying to keep up with them! She hadn't wanted David to have a nickname, but he was so roly-poly when he was born that everyone took to calling him "Bubba Lee," and it stuck. A nickname like Bubba is hard to shrug off in the South. He had lived up to it, too. At 14, he refused to go to church for the first time.

"Momma," he declared one Sunday morning in May,
"I jes' don't believe the way that you and Daddy do."

The rest of the family went to church without him, but she cried during the service.

That was only the beginning of the trouble with Bubba Lee. A month after his stand against the Gospel, Bubba Lee managed to sneak himself into his sister's graduation party. It was only supposed to be for seniors, but if there was a party going on, Bubba was sure to be there. He stole the Vodka from his father's liquor cabinet, and smuggled it into the party in green glass Sprite bottles. When Mary-Elizabeth heard someone yell "Bubba, NO!" and saw the crowd gather, her heart sank. She had warned her brother to stay away, that this was her night and she didn't want him ruining it for her, but he hadn't listened. Resigned, she walked over to where the crowd was gathered and told the chaperones,

"I'm sorry, I'll take him home now."

She was relieved to see that the other boy appeared uninjured. She grilled Bubba on the way home about what had happened, but he didn't speak a word, preferring instead to give her his famous silent treatment.

She managed to get him into the house without waking her father, but her mother heard the commotion. She didn't say a word, but Bubba saw the sad, disappointed look in her eyes as he passed her in the hallway. He knew that she would spend the rest of the night crying, and praying for his soul. He didn't protest when she woke him at eight the next morning and asked him to mow the lawn and re-paint the trim on the shed. The incident of the previous night was not mentioned, but they both knew that she was the one person who kept him from real trouble. The thought of disappointing his mother, more than anything else, deterred him from more heinous crimes.

He was constantly in trouble. He would drink whenever he could get his hands on alcohol. HIs mother finally persuaded his father not to keep any liquor in the house any more - no lock or hiding place could deter Bubba from getting at it. When he drank, he became belligerent, and wasn't satisfied until he had gotten into a fight. Since he was naturally clumsy, he almost always looked worse than the objects of his attacks. No one ever pressed charges, but he neglected his schoolwork to the point that he was barely scraping by. He finally did graduate high school, though he had to repeat his Junior year.

The day after graduation, his parents sat him down to find out what his plans for the future might be.

"The way I see it Son," his father began, "you have two options. You can either get yerself a job, or you can join the Army."

His mother, tears in her eyes, nodded in agreement. "David," she pleaded, "I jes' can't watch you destroyin' yerself any more. It's breakin' my heart!"

Bubba's eyes were shining too, but he would not let himself cry. "All right Momma, I'll go down to the recruitin' office in the mornin'. No one in this town will hire me, after all the trouble I been in."

Two weeks later, Bubba got on the bus to Boot Camp. She didn't see him for two years, but he returned a changed man. Gone was the hard-drinking, hard-fighting boy that she had hugged good-bye. In his place was a stranger. He was clean-shaven and very handsome in his Army uniform. The Army had disciplined the rebellion out of him.

"Momma," he said as he hugged her, "I'm goin' to church again. Th'only book they allowed us in Boot Camp was the Bible, and readin' beat the heck outta not readin'. After readin' it for a while, it jes' started to make sense."

That was one of the happiest days of her life, one of the many that she thinks about on her daily walks.

link

Baker's Acres Louisville, MS - Lights OUT this year!

Last year my husband, 2-yr-old, and I made a wonderful, accidental discovery. Baker's Acres in Louisville, MS is a beautiful display of Christmas lights that the Baker family has been putting up for years. It is just outside of town on Rt. 15. Last night, after building up the excitement all day, my hubby & I bundled ourselves and our now 3-year-old daughter into the car and drove the 40 miles to see it again, only to be disappointed. They have not turned on the lights this year. Please do not make the trek...

Maybe it will be back next year? Here's hoping...

Motherhood, Infertility, and Indecision– My Personal Journey

I’ve been writing this post in my head for about a week now… Basically it’s about my journey into motherhood, and through a year of infertility, and moving forward with a decision about whether to keep trying or not.

I married late, at 34. Though we always wanted children, Rob and I decided to use birth control for the first few months of our marriage, so that we could get to know each other as husband and wife before adding a baby to the mix. When we had been married for about 5 months, we stopped using birth control. 5 months after that, on Oct 1, 2005, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was SO happy and excited! I remember the date because it is my brother’s birthday. 2 months later, my husband and I learned that the 2 embryos I was carrying – yes, twins – were not viable, and I was miscarrying. That was probably the most difficult thing I’ve lived through. I mourned for the babies that would never be born.

Two months after that, in January of 2006, I learned that I was pregnant again. I was not as excited this time, in fact Rob and I were very apprehensive, after what we had been through with the first pregnancy. I had some spotting early on, and I was terrified of losing this baby, too. We saw her heartbeat when I was only 7 weeks into my pregnancy, and we relaxed just a little. Once I got through the “danger zone” of the 1st trimester, we relaxed even more, but we did invest in a heartbeat monitor rental from a mail-order company, so that we could listen for her heartbeat at home. On September 16, 2006, Grace Marie was born. This amazing little person changed our lives forever – our hearts are still so full of love for her, and we are continually blessed and astounded at her growth and development, and at the person she is becoming.

For a while, we were content with our baby girl. Right after she turned 2 years old, we decided that we would be willing to have another child, if God should so bless us. So in October of 2008, we again ceased using birth control. After that, I expected every month that this would be the month. About a week before the start of my cycle, I would feel bloated, a bit nauseated, and hungry – very, very hungry. I thought – every month – surely, I am pregnant. Then – every month – my period would come. It starts with a little spotting – but not much. “Well,” I would think, “It could be implantation spotting…” but it never was. Over a year later, I am still not pregnant. Rob and I had said initially that we would give it until the end of this year. I turned 39 in November, and I do not relish the thought of being pregnant at 40 or beyond. As we approach the end of the year with just one child, we are still trying to process what to do. We recognize that it’s now or never. With 40 fast approaching (for me) and 45 hitting on New Year’s Eve (for Rob), we know that if we start using birth control again, that’s it. No more kids for us. There are pro’s and con’s to having another one, there always were. But the older I get, the higher the stakes are. Neither of us is interested in fertility treatments – it’s either meant to be or it’s not, and God does not need fertility treatments to “help” him. For those of you who are using them, I certainly respect your choice and I don’t have any problems with them in general, it is just not the right path for us.

Also for those of you who don’t have children, I can just hear your thoughts…”be glad you have the one…it could be worse.” You are right, I recognize your pain and I do not diminish it in any way.

I have a few close friends who have struggled with infertility.

One who has always loved children and has spent nearly her whole life ministering to them. A few years into her marriage, she had ovarian cysts and at least one ovary removed, and was medically unable to have children. She adopted a troubled 9 year old, poured her life, energy, love, and prayer into him, and he is now a marine.

One who, like me, married late – at 38, I think. She also always wanted children. After a year of trying to get pregnant, she and her husband decided to pursue adoption. After the home study was done and they were well into the process, she learned that she was pregnant, and she now has a little girl about a year younger than Grace is. They are again pursuing adoption, for a second child.

One who married much earlier than I did, but decided to wait to have children until quite recently. I am not sure where she is in her journey but I pray that God will bless her with a child.

On the other end of the spectrum, there is a young girl that I know who became pregnant as a result of being drugged and assaulted. She is choosing to carry the child to term and is trying to decide whether to give the baby up for adoption, or to keep her. She did not choose to be pregnant, but she is.

It is not for me to say why God gives and takes away, but it is difficult to understand Him sometimes.

I am very thankful for the child that I have. I am just disappointed and surprised that, after being pregnant twice before, I have been unable to conceive this past year. I am confused about what to do. All of my reasons for not having another child seem selfish – no more diapers, since Grace is finally (mostly) potty trained. No more sleepless nights, since she almost always sleeps through now. Nearly everything is easier with a 3 year old than it is with an infant. She can communicate her wants and needs clearly. She can do many things independently. There is also the financial aspect – I have been blessed to be home with her until this point. Being a graduate student has given me the freedom to raise her, rather than having to send her to daycare. We would likely not have that luxury with a second child – our finances are crying out for me to find a teaching job next fall. Then there is the fear. Fear of another miscarriage. Fear of having twins. Fear of being “old parents.”

Rob has said it’s ultimately my decision to make, since I would have to be the one getting up in the middle of the night and doing most of the child care. He is a full-time tenure track professor now, he does not and will not have the same amount of time and energy that he devoted to Grace should we have another child.

If you’ve made it this far… thanks. Your thoughts and comments are welcome. I leave you still undecided…

Bad, bad blogger!

Has it really been since February that I have blogged here? Since June that I blogged on the family blog? Wow...

Regarding television... that experiment didn't last long. We are paying for satellite service again, after experimenting with cable. We have trimmed our package down, but we still have, and watch, television. I did not have to sacrifice my Food Network after all.

Disney trip... we went to Disney World in Florida over spring break. We all had a blast at "Mickey's house," as Grace calls it. We decided on Friday morning to leave on Friday evening. It's approximately a 10 hour drive, so we broke it up into 2 days, staying in Atlanta (the halfway point) both on the way down and on the way back.

New England trip... we took our RV up to New England in June. We were gone for about a month, we hit a few new states and new sites, including Gettysburg, PA and Stone Mountain, GA. We had some good times with friends and family, too.

School... I started a graduate program in Education at MS State. I took a "Maymester" class and a summer class in July, and I am now taking 2 evening classes during the fall semester. I should finish the program in the spring of 2011, and I will have my Master of Arts in Teaching - Secondary English. I will also be able to teach business because of the plethora of college credits I have in that area.

Grace... turned THREE this month! I don't know how it's possible that I have a 3 year old but time flies! She started preschool in August, 3 afternoons a week, and she LOVES it!

I will try to be a better blogger.

New beginnings

Our family has had a lot of new beginnings in the last year. We set off from Eastern Wasington at the end of June, with the eventual destination of our new home in Northern Mississippi. Once we arrived here, we had to get settled in to a new home, a new church, a new culture, new friends, grocery stores (I had never even SEEN a Piggly Wiggly, except in the movie "Driving Miss Daisy," before moving here), foods, routines, and so on. Just about everything in our lives is new in the last year. I have even taken on a new responsiblity - I am homeschooling a 7th grader because a family in my church has that need, and I have the time and the ability to be of service in that area!

Also new to us is having Rob work outside of the home on a full-time basis. I have been a VERY spoiled wife for the first four years of my marriage. My husband has been in graduate school from the time we met, and so his time was somewhat flexible. Sure, he had to teach or attend class a couple of times a week, and he had to put in a certain amount of time on his research for his dissertation, but now he is a professor, and he is aiming to be in the office 40+ hours per week. I do not begrudge him that, but I do miss him when he is away from home so much, and so does Grace. Some days it seems that he has just come home and it is already time for her to go to bed. We are already becoming accustomed to the routine, though, and we are VERY thankful that he has a tenure-track job at a research university in THIS economic climate!

We have another new event that has been pending for a while. We are buying a house. Because we are moving (in just 2 days!), we have been discussing our options for one of the biggest things in our lives - the television. It is with a lot of embarrassment and a little shame (maybe that should be the other way around, but it's not) that I confess that the television takes up WAY too much of our time. We have explored all of our options, which include Dish Network, DirecTV, and plain old Cable. We had pretty much decided to switch from DirecTV to Dish, thereby saving ourselves about $70 per month. Can you believe we've been paying over $100 per month for TV?!

Then something my pastor said in his sermon this morning hit me. He was talking about how God's Word (the Bible) is eternal. It is the only thing that will last. I have known this truth since accepting Jesus as my Lord & Savior almost 18 years ago, but it hit me in a new way this morning. Yes, God's Word is eternal... so why do I spend so much time paying attention to the things of this world? As I told Rob on the way home, when we flip on the television, we are letting all of the filth and sin and influence of the world right into our homes! Why do we pay money to do this? So I said "What if we got rid of pay TV, and only watched DVD's and the networks that we can pick up with our antenna?" We discussed it for a few minutes and decided to give it a try.

The biggest sacrifice for me will be the Food Network. I LOVE watching that channel! Alton Brown of "Good Eats" has become my favorite TV personality, but as I told Rob, "you bought me all of his books for my birthday and Christmas, I can READ his recipes! He even has some episodes online!" As far as the series that we have been watching, most of those episodes are available online as well, and the ones that are not can be rented on DVD when they are released. So, we are not giving up TV entirely, but we will no longer be paying to receive it, and we will no longer "channel-surf" when there are other things we can be doing. We have a child to raise, a yard to attend to, I would like to plant a garden, Rob wants to get another dog, we have friends to minister to, and so many other more important things that we can be doing with our time besides staring at a screen, being mindlessly entertained.

Psalm 101:2-4
I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart.
I will set no worthless thing before my eyes;
I hate the work of those who fall away;
It shall not fasten its grip on me.
A perverse heart shall depart from me;
I will know no evil.

I am hopeful that, without the temptation of hundreds of channels, I will spend more time in God's Word, soaking in His eternal truths, and doing work for His kingdom. We will try it and see.

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

First blog of the year

I can't believe that 2009 is already 22 days old, and this is my 1st blog! My mood of the day is "cautiously optimistic." Rob and I are going through the process of buying a house in Mississippi. Assuming that the financing goes through, we will be closing on Feb. 13th. I am cautiously optimistic that the loan will go through, and that we will soon be living in our brick house with its very large backyard, kitchen with a gas stove and a dishwasher (can you believe that our faculty house doesn't have a DISHWASHER?), 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, built-in gas fireplace, lovely landscaped front yard... I could go on & on.

I am also cautiously optimistic about the future of our country. Regardless of your feelings toward Barack Obama, there is no denying that his election is an historic one. Our first non-white president. His Inaugural Address was inspirational. He has made us all sorts of promises (health care, the economy, affordable education), now the time has come to see if he can use his current popularity, and the Democratic Congress, to get some of those things passed.

My Review of New! KidKraft All-in-One Bright Pastel Play Kitchen

Originally submitted at PlayKitchens.com

Everything she needs to prepare a wonderful meal and create realistic fun is right here in the KidKraft All-In-One Pastel Play Kitchen. Constructed of medium density fiberboard, this play kitchen is full stocked with all the modern appliances. A pink fridge and freezer will keep pretend food ite...

New! KidKraft All-in-One Bright Pastel Play Kitchen

Very cute!

By Kate from MS on 1/8/2009

 

4out of 5

Pros: Attractive Design

Cons: Difficult Assembly

Best Uses: Playing House, Group Play, Imaginative Play

Describe Yourself: First Time Parent, Stay At Home Parent, Education Oriented

This kitchen is ADORABLE! My daughter loves it. One drawback, however, is that she has removed the oven & the microwave doors, and slightly (not irreparably) damaged the particle board. Perhaps at only 2 yrs 3 months, she is too young for this type of kitchen. That was my mistake as a parent, not the fault of the company. We will re-attach the doors when she is a bit older.

Assembly took my husband and I about 3 1/2 hours on Christmas Eve.

(legalese)